BLANKAPESJA

Hi Blanka

 

I think it's high time for this email, which has been way too long in coming anyway. 

 

At the beginning of the lyric-lab classes, which were overwhelming, confrontational and emotional for many of us, you promised us that we would be grateful later and predicted that some of us would send you a thank-you email in 10 years. At the time, I thought, 10 years, that's an eternity. Now I am 33 and so this month I have graduated 12 years. Absurd and unfathomable, I think. The four years at the conservatory still feel longer than the 12 years after. Maybe it is because quarters still regularly fall into place and retroactive advice suddenly makes sense. Or maybe it's because the conservatory was the start of my life as a musician in Amsterdam, and therefore it feels like one long arc to now. And all the memories of that life, detached from their context and moment in time, have now become one big story, connected to the four years with you. But probably it is mostly because they were the four most beautiful and important years of my life so far. And I secretly knew that even then. It is bizarre but special to feel that you are experiencing something that you already know at the very moment is going to play such a big role in your life. Strangely melancholic, but mostly very powerful.

 

What I find even more absurd is how much impact 1 person can have on me and (the rest of) my life. The enormous amount of insights, tools, inspiration and vision you have given me is incredible and still growing every day. So it is incomprehensible to me to hear that interest in your profession is waning, as I have learned more from you than from all other teachers combined. Everyone who makes something benefits from your profession, including producers. Anyway, being able to let go of things in life with a fulfilled feeling seems very important to me. And that fulfilled feeling is more than justified. In my opinion, you are what sets the Conservatory of Amsterdam apart from all other pop conservatories and studies. I learned a lot from all the different teachers; music theory, instrument mastery, attitude, phrasing, ensemble playing, you name it.

But you teach artistry, you let people discover and develop creativity, you teach people to look at the world around them as creators, and see that there is a song or other work of art in everything, if you just listen and look, and collect. You see potential and talents in students that completely elude others, you recognize a quest before someone realizes it themselves, and give it direction. You sense uncertainty and doubt and know that that is where the essence of learning lies, and you dare to poke and push at it until it bursts open and gets room to flourish. Even if it comes at the expense of what students think of you (at that moment). You spot bullshit, and filter it out. So vulnerable then, but so important during all those years after.

 

I hope you know that there are many people who feel exactly the same way. That there are even many students from other programs who know the stories and envy us. And I hope that you have already received many such emails and may receive many more. Because it seems pretty tough to give yourself so fully for other people, even if in the moment it's not always appreciated. At the same time, I hope that a day will come when I may and can give people what you have given me. Because if I can mean to people only half of what you have meant to me, I know that I have passed on something of that magic.

Finally, I hope that there is much beauty waiting for you in the future, when the school will soon have lost you.

 

Thank you. Thank you so much.

 

Much love